You might be in a Cowboy Church if:
-If the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier
because none of the members knows how to play one.
-If people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
-If opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. (and duck, quail, hog, football)
-If a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because
"It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
-If Baptism is referred to as "branding".
-If high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
-If people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
-If the collection plates are tin buckets by the door.
-If instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
-If most folks Bibles have a Gideon's stamp on the cover.
-If the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear!"
-If the baptismal is a galvanized stock tank.
-If the passing train causes the church to break out in a train song: This train is bound for glory!
-If John Wayne is a patron saint (God rest his soul.)
-If heaven has hunting seasons. (No limit.)The Cowboy in Church
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he
and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the
cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said,
" I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one
showed up, I'd feed him."So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The
preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he
liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly,"Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only
one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
How to install a wireless security system:
1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots, a
really big pair.
2. Put the boots outside your front door on top of a copy of "Guns and Ammo" magazine.
3. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish.
4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba,
big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hr.
Don't disturb the Pitbulls, they've just been wormed."
THE PASTOR'S CAT
This particular story just made me laugh. Every time I think about it, the vision of that poor cat just amuses me.
I hope the story leaves a bright spot in your day. Whoever said the Creator doesn't have a sense of humor?
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church.
He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down.
The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb,
so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car.
He figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air-out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business.
A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"
She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it."
She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her."Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor!